Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Wednesday, December 23, 2009~ a clearer mind ~After being a frog for a night, I awoke this morning with a much clearer mind which made me felt rather immature for my behaviour last night. Friendships aren't determined by whether we stay in hall together but what we want to do even though we aren't all staying in hall anymore. Last night, what upsetted me was when she believed she'll lose all her hall friends once she leaves hall but that's not true. At least not until she chooses not to mix around with us anymore. I know once out of hall, choir will be her main priority in school and has always been the case. And I think this hurt a little too cause I always thought hall was a place where very special friendships build. I mean, besides in hall, where else can you pack breakfast for a friend every morning, sometimes even if it meant just sleeping only 3 hours to wake up in time to pack breakfast, even do her laundry for her and in the midst of hanging it up, break your healing scap over and over again because of the way her bed is positioned? What's more, the three of us decided to do this project TOGETHER because we knew it wasn't going to be easy, but a threesome could complain together, help each other out, and be there for one another. Yet now, all these have become empty promises. That made me sad too! I thought all those effort and pacts made meant a lot more but I was wrong. It couldn't be compared to the late nights together suppering, giving birthday surprises, and the hours spent together doing something you excel at and gain recognition for. So, this morning, I suddenly woke up and thought, what the heck. Who cares about all the effort you've put in for this friendship, it doesn't matter at all when her heart is somewhere else. What's the point of hoping she'll stay cause of the special things hall provided? She'll never be happy anyways. Thus, I shouldn't even have thought about changing her mind and be upset over all the above. I was brought up to never be a quitter. And I think that turned me a little cold hearted but at least I know I'll persevere no matter what. Passion sometimes doesn't come as easily as wished but I believe it can be found. And its a choice. I know once I commit to something, I literally sell my life to it. Haha. BUT, that's me. Not everyone is willing to make the same sacrifices for the same things and she chose not to do so, and as a friend, I should just respect her decision and not have any comments about her reasons for doing so even if i disagree with them. I shouldn't expect my closer friends to be like me and persevere cause not everyone can do that. Hence, I actually felt stupid feeling upset that she decided to take the "quit" route. Haha. Basically, after crying last night, it kinda sorted my thoughts a little. To keep a friendship going is like choosing to clap. We can clap anytime, anywhere, BUT, we'll need both hands. Friendships are the same. It doesn't matter where you are, or what road you choose. If a friend is worth the keep, all it takes is a little effort and time and the friendship will last a long time more. To end off, I'll like to leave a note to this special friend: I know you'll try to finish up whatever responsibilities you're left with and I certainly hope you'll try to lighten our chair's burden by finding a replacement. I got to admit that if you just leave and leave your spot empty, I'd be most disappointed but nonetheless, I'll trust that you have tried your very best. =) Whether or not you choose to stay in hall anymore, I hope we can still keep the threesome friendship going by meeting up periodically. That's provided you feel the friendship is worth the keep of course! haha. And since you've already decided on your course of action, you shouldn't feel like you're struggling anymore right? =) No worries, you hall mates are always here for you, even if you aren't staying anymore cause hall is just a place to spend more time together, not somewhere that determines how long friendships last. =) Whatever your decision, I believe it ain't an easy one and I know it's been through more thought than anyone can imagine. I'm really sorry if anything I said hurt you last night. I should have and will respect your decision. I'm sorry for being such a selfish and immature brat. Hope you'll forgive me. Meanwhile, take care and enjoy caroling! Have fun at home and hope you find my slightly burnt brownie edible! Haha.. *HUGZ* |